Pyromania

One of the precious things about living at the 45^th Parallel is that despite the heat of the summer, the nights cool down. At the end of August, and on into October, the evenings are crisp, the humidity drops, and bug spray on the arms can be replaced by a sweatshirt—preferably a hoodie.  Now, my present 45^th Parallel is in the state of Wisconsin, but my original longitude fell in Michigan. I don’t see this so much in West-Central Wisconsin, but you can tell a true Northern Michigander by his/her wardrobe: shorts with hooded sweatshirts and sneakers. And the sweatshirt will be either a combination of dark green and white, or of navy blue with gold (maize). (Go Green—and if you know what I’m talking about, you’ll know what to type into the comments of this blog).

Regardless of wardrobe, 45ths like to build campfires. We can because, well, it’s not so dang hot up here. And we have lots of firewood, and lots of water for dousing if need be. It’s now the beginning of September and we’re all feeling that itch for a good friendly blaze. There are very few homes here in Hudson, Wisconsin, whose back yards don’t sport a home-made bonfire pit. This time of year always brings back memories of my dad, in Michigan, and his own pyromania.

I have flashbacks of our trips to Otsego Lake State Park just south of Gaylord, when he was finally done coaching and teaching driver-ed for the summer. He had a few short weeks before the school began again. We would head up north, (in our sky-blue & white Chevy Cheyenne Super with the sleeper on the back), on I75 until the trees began to change from deciduous to evergreen, and the fragrance of the pines filled our nostrils. Then we’d set up camp. The following is a play-by-play of my dad’s epic adventures in bonfire management:

1.       Find wood.

Ø  Bring your hatchet.  Get into the truck.

Ø  Turn off of Old Highway 27 and onto a dirt fire road. 

Ø  Travel in at least ½ mile on this road.

Ø  Pull the truck over.  Walk into the woods and begin collecting downed tree parts.  Don't let anyone see you doing this.

Ø  Use your hatchet to chop small limbs from logs.

Ø  Put firewood in back of truck.

Ø  Head back to the campground.

2.      Collect fodder.

Ø  Send daughters around to pick up twigs from around campsite.

Ø  Stack stolen firewood like a three dimensional tic-tac-toe board in camp-site's fire-pit.  Stack it about 2 feet high. 

Ø  Make sure there will be air-flow between the pilfered logs.

Ø  Add daughters' twigs.

3.      Fuel

Ø  The best fuel is white gas.  Again, don't let anyone see you doing this.

Ø  Douse unlit fire with the white gas.

Ø  Make daughters stand way back.

Ø  The best matches are Ohio Kitchen Matches.  The ones with the blue tips and the long wooden match sticks.

Ø  Strike the match and throw it in while Mother is gone to the Camp store so that she can't nag you about using white gas on stolen wood.

4.      Enjoy the effect.

Ø  Listen to the Boom and watch the Mushroom Pillar of smoke rise above the tops of the pines.

Ø  Remind the daughters to stand way back.

Ø  Revel in the radiation caused by the immense heat given off at the initial explosion.

Ø  Catch the startled and panicked looks of those camping nearby.

           

5.      Prolong the love

Ø  Watch as the 10 foot high flames lick the pine needles above and then die down to nothing.

Ø  Throw on some more white gas.

Ø  Remind the daughters once again to stand back.

Ø  Light another match...

6.      Roast stuff

Ø  Hot dogs are good.

Ø  Marshmallows are great.

Ø  It's just going to take a little patience while you wait for the 10 foot fire to die down, unless you have twenty foot long hot dog fork.